How to Spend Money Wisely

Spending occurs when you need or want something and you are willing to exchange money for it. Are you truly willing? Or are you the type that is far-too-willing?

If you are then you need to know how to differentiate between what is worthy of your will-to-spend, and what isn't.

Smart spending is paying money only if you are receiving some kind of value in return. No point spending money on things that do not give you any values.

And the definition of value is quite broad, I have narrowed-down the definition of 'value' to simplify the process of identifying them: Value is what makes you happy, through the fulfillment of a need or want.

If you have what you want and have what you need, you'll be happy. If you want what you need and want what you have, you'll be happy :)

However, wants and needs may vary and they are highly subjective. What you want and need today may not be so tomorrow. And because we are humans with emotions and moods, wants can be triggered by a sudden impulse.

If these impulses take control, in the long run you’ll find that you will not be able to manage your spending. An impulse to spend is nothing more than an emotion urging you to spend. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, because impulses could be right.

You may have an impulse that there is something that would make you truly happy, and a few months after you’ve bought it, you found that your impulse was right after all; this thing you bought is still giving you happiness that you are truly grateful for.

But there are also wrong impulses, and after a few months of having 'this-impulse-driven-purchase' at home with you, it didn't make you feel that fantastic after all.

So the logical solution here is to UNDERSTAND your impulses (not ignore them), and you do so using rationale. One method that I love to use when it comes to measuring the things I want is using a time-horizon rationale.

Before deciding to spend money on something, ask yourself: How long will I want it for?

If you only want it for a few days or a few weeks, then very soon the happiness derived from spending money on this will simply fade, leaving you with this 'thing' that you no longer want or need, as well as no longer having the money which you had spent.

If you don’t know or if you are unsure about how long you will want it for, then it is definitely not a REAL want. It is only a REAL want if you are absolutely sure that you will still want the same thing 10 years from today.

And don’t go thinking, "but I still think I want it' because you know you don’t, so don’t spend on it.

The TRUE wants will never change, they are the REAL wants. These wants make all the difference in the world to you and these are things you will want 10, 20 and even 30 years from now.

Smart people know what they want. They don’t want what others want, and they don't want what others have. They know what makes them happy and what truly matters.

Smart spending is none other than spending money on these ‘values’ that you will ‘want’ for the ‘rest of your life’ and cutting spending on things don’t really make you happy (things that in the long run, will not matter).

And, smart spending is NOT JUST about knowing what to spend on, where to spend it on, etc. It’s also about knowing yourself; Knowing who you are and what makes you truly happy.

If you don’t know what truly makes you happy, you will never be able to practice smart spending.

"We are ruined, not by what we really want, but by what we think we do: therefore never go aboard in search of your wants. If they be real wants, they will come home in search of you; for he that buys what he does not want, will soon want what he cannot buy." -- Charles Caleb Colton

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Planning

What is Planning?

Conventionally, planning is the process of determining what needs to be done in order to get from where you are, to where you want to be. It is done by simply listing out the activities that needs to be carried out in sequential order, to achieve a specific goal or objective.

Why the need to plan?

The need to plan arises when there is a goal but you don’t know how you’re going to get there. It applies to goals such as wanting to start a business, wanting to start a money making website, wanting to live a healthier life, wanting to have more time, wanting to be more productive, etc.

Conversely, there is no need to plan if it’s a ‘been there, done that’ kind of situation; where the actions required to get there is known, the solution to the problems that may arise is known, and it is as simple as recalling what needs to be done and what’s the best way to do it.

What’s wrong with conventional planning?

The idea behind conventional planning has its flaws. The main assumption is that the completion of each planned activity brings us closer to the achievement of our goals. In reality however, some activities do not bring us any closer to the desired end-result (some, in fact, bring us further from it) – a rather disconcerting setback.

Secondly, the process of planning is largely based on our ability to imagine. We plan according to what we can imagine by creating a number of ‘What if’ scenarios: What if this happens, what if that happens, and so on. Again in reality, a lot of things (that weren’t planned for) can still happen – another setback.

Because of this, some were led to believe that "Nothing ever goes according to plan, so why bother? Just go with the flow."

People then started undermining planning because they believe that execution supersedes planning. They prefer to take action than to plan their actions; they put all emphasis on doing and put less emphasis on thinking.

Know what the implications of jumping into execution without planning are. I mean, sure, you can walk blindfolded and still reach somewhere, but will it be where you want to be?

How are we supposed to plan then?

Good question. In order for planning to be effective, a plan in itself must be flexible and dynamic. Plans are supposed to change. If it does not change, then there’s something wrong. "Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results." -- Albert Einstein.

Let me attempt to illustrate this in the simplest of ways:

In the plan above, Point C is the goal. Armed with the knowledge that only Point B leads to Point C, our plan is to first get from Point A to Point B, then move on to Point C from there. But in reality, it may not be as simple:

In the journey to Point B, something gets in our way. This obstacle wasn't seen in the original plan; why did we miss it?? Well, because we were not in a position to notice it at the time. Nevertheless, a solution is required:

By simply maneuvering around the obstacle (just making a point), we arrive at Point B and can then proceed to Point C.

But then, out of nowhere a set of thick gray fog appeared. If we continue, everything’s a blur and we won’t know if it’ll get to Point C eventually because we can’t see where we’re headed. But it is also at this point that we are made aware of a new path towards our goal:

We discovered Point D, serendipitously. So we detour to Point D, and then double-back down to Point C. Voila! We’ve finally achieved our goal.

Now, the whole point in drawing the 5 brainless diagrams above was to show you than a plan constantly changes and there’s nothing wrong with that. Notice the difference between the first plan and the final plan? This is what I mean when I say plans need to be dynamic.

In some instances, the original and the final plan can differ even more complexly, but that’s not unusual. We draw a plan because we don’t know what to do, so we can’t expect what we thought were the best actions (in the pre-execution stages) to turn out to be absolutely the right thing to be done in the end.

A plan is changed when our perspective of the problem changes; when our consciousness and knowledge about the problem increases; as well as when our goal is defined in greater detail than before. Changing plans is part of the process toward the achievement of our goals. If the plan isn’t working, we have to change it, right?

And the problem with this is: Many people feel frustrated having to let circumstances dictate the changes of the plan but when in fact they can choose to see consciously, that they are the one that has the power to change the plan.

Instead of thinking, "Ah fuck! This shit doesn’t work." They can choose to think, in a similarly vulgar way, "Now that this shit doesn’t work, what fuck should I do next?"

That’s dynamic planning in progress. Everything changes, so keep changing plans until your goal is achieved.

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How to Say No

Don't you just hate to use the 'N' word? You want to say no but it's difficult. Difficult because you believe there's a negative consequence in saying no. You fear that it may back-fire on you in future, you fear that they may react negatively or perceive you in a negative light; in the end, you just prefer to say yes than to worry about any of the above.

There are several common reasons on the surface that could explain why you find it hard to say 'No'.

#1 You feel guilty all the time.

You don't want to appear selfish and you don't want to appear like you're not helpful. You feel that it's your social responsibility to say yes to your friends and it's your professional responsibility to say yes to your boss or colleagues.

If this is why you find it difficult to say no, then ask yourself if that's true.

• Is it true that just because you're saying no, you're not a helpful person? Haven't you already help them so many times in the past which more than qualifies you as a helpful person?

• Is it true that it's your responsibility to help your friends, family, boss or colleague? Or is it their responsibility to help themselves to begin with and they are just dumping their responsibilities onto you?

Realize that if it's not your problem and not something you like to deal with, it's your right to say 'No' because you have no obligation to say 'Yes'. You have the freedom to choose consciously to say yes, but that's only if you really want to.

#2 You don't have a good reason to say 'No'.

Just admit it. Sometimes, we feel lazy and just don't want to do anything. Saying no becomes difficult because laziness is not exactly a concrete reason for us to say 'No'; it'll just make us look bad.

If this is your case, ask yourself if there's any valid reason to say yes.

If the request is important; a matter of life-and-death, I believe you would've said yes because the importance of the circumstances transcends your laziness. But if what they're requesting is not exactly a matter of life-and-death, you shouldn't worry what they'll think when you say "Nah… I'm feeling lazy."

Come on, do you seriously think that people don't know you're a lazy bum by now? If you have any real friends they'll know you're lazy. So there's no need to hide, just tell them the truth. If it's something unimportant that will not matter in 5 years or even in 5 weeks, it's not going to be a big deal for anybody.

Do you remember the last time somebody turned you down on a small and unimportant request? Of course not; no one does.

Okay, now we go into the real stuff. If you know it in your heart that the answer is 'No', here are some difficult people to say no to and how you can say no to them:

(1) THE AUTHORITY

The authority can mean your boss, a senior colleague or a person of a higher circumstantial rank. This is usually someone who intimidates you, so saying 'no' naturally can be difficult (especially when you're not on very comfortable terms with them so to speak).

So if you need to take 'soft' approach, start with a sincere apology when you reject or decline their request, offer a concise explanation because they'll need it, and end your explanation with an offer for a possible solution. Examples as below:

• "I'm really sorry but I cannot say yes to this now, I'm up to my nose with work and I really need to take a break. If it's not urgent, can I get back to this later?"

• "I'm really sorry but I'm not able to take this up now, I've several other reports with deadlines closing in fast. But looking at this, I do have someone in mind who might be able to get this done, would that help?"

• "I'm sorry, the current circumstances does not allow me to do this. I'm in a middle of something important that needs my utmost focus. Do you need me to get someone else to handle this for you?"

• "I'm sorry but I'll have to say no, I'm a little stretched too thin right now and I'm worried if I take this on I might not be able to do a good job. Can I get back to you on when I'll be able to take this on? Just need to check my schedule."

If you have a better reason or a better solution in mind, by all means, use it. The key though, is to be honest and sincere. Seniors can spot a junior's honesty and sincerity; make no mistake about that. Once your rejection has been accepted gracefully by the other party, end the conversation with a: "Thanks for your understanding, much appreciated."

Again; honesty and sincerity is of utmost importance. Be grateful that "the authority" has just accepted your rejection: they came out as the bigger person by letting you off the hook. So say thank you and mean it!

(2) THE PUSHER

The pusher is someone who always has a personal agenda in getting you to say 'Yes'. It could be they're trying to make you do something for them or they're trying to sell you something, etc. They push because they think they can make you bend over if they push hard enough.

The key is to stand firm and reject them confidently: a short "No, thank you." would do.

They may follow up with a "Why Not?"

If you have a solid reason, by all means go for it. But if you don't have one, don't worry. You don't owe them an explanation and you can repeat your answer without answering their question, "No thanks, I really want to pass."

However, my personal favorite (when I don't have a solid reason) is to always tell them: "I'm NOT going to make up excuses and lie to you. I'm going to say no, as I've said before and I hope you can understand. Can we change subjects?"

That's a very useful line. The key is to say it with total conviction, don't raise your voice, don't appear confrontational, and don't show the slightest hint of fear or uncertainty. I'll usually focus my intonation on the question, and show just a slight tone of irritation. They'll usually get the message and stop pursuing.

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble." -- Mahatma Gandhi

It will take some time to muster sufficient courage to say that – if you are the type that hates even healthy debates or rational confrontations. But I assure you that mastering the courage to say 'No' will help you go a long way in life: The more you say "Yes" to the things you don't want, the more you say "No" to the things you do want.

Read that last sentence again and think about it.

(3) THE PULLER

The puller is the opposite of the pusher. Instead of pushing, they get on your guilt-nerves. Sometimes they're so good you just can't be sure if they're doing it intentionally or if they're doing it subconsciously.

Either way, it sucks if you have a weak spot for guilt. They'll usually ask, then beg, then try to make themselves appear as desperate as ever and it kills you to say 'No' to a helpless friend.

Dig into your memory, "Pullers" are creatures of habits. You can always remember previous similar occasions when they asked, then begged, then appeared desperately in need of your help. They also usually prey on those who always say 'yes' to them!

So if you've already said 'yes' a few times to a "Puller", you're only digging a bigger and bigger grave for yourself. Shucks!

• Again, it might be helpful if you are courageous enough to say: "Gee Paul, I've helped you with ten other things before, and every time you come back asking for more help. I'm not responsible for your problems you know, I'd love to help you once in awhile but I've got my own problems to deal with too. I'm going to have to say 'No' this time. Sorry, but I'm really busy."

• And if you're not that straightforward with your words, you can always try "Hey Paul, I hate to say no but I gotta say this is really a bad time as I'm in the middle of some issues that I need to deal with. Can you look after your problems first and I'll give you a call once I'm done with mine and have time to help you with yours?"

And here's a very important tip, never commit yourself. These pullers would usually start a conversation with a "What are you doing tonight?" or "this weekend?" or "later?"

NEVER, EVER SAY 'NOTHING'. Always assume that they need help and ask them "Is there something you want me to do? I can't promise you I can do it, but what's up?"

It may catch them off-guard and they may quickly say "Nah... I was just calling to check... bla, bla, bla…"

But if they've got the cheek, they might just put out their request openly and you may have to learn how to muster sufficient courage to tell them square in the face that you don't appreciate constantly having to help them by sacrificing your own time.

I've a "friend" who has got lots of cheek to ask for everything he wants from me, and I really told him off – after 1 and 1/2 years that is, so you can imagine how far I went. Just didn't appreciate friends as liabilities, don't think anyone would either :)

Closing notes:

To put it simply, saying "No" requires some courage, but it shouldn't be that difficult. Using a combination of confidence, certainty and detachment from the false sense of responsibility to say 'yes', it should be as easy as saying "Hi" - a single syllable response, with no emotions involved.

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How to be Positive (When you're feeling negative)

This is my second “How to be positive” post, here I take a crack at how we can be positive when we're already negative to begin with.

I’ve always been advised that I should quickly and immediately replace negative thoughts with positive ones. My first reaction to that was always: “Easier said than done, Sherlock!”

Here’s the thing, when I’m feeling negative, I think about negative things. This then feeds itself into a negative-loop: Negative thoughts leads to negative emotions, negative emotions fuel new negative thoughts. I won’t necessarily spiral down into depression, but I’m still stuck at being negative.

At this point, it’s almost virtually impossible to push any thoughts of positivity into my mind. No matter how hard I try to be positive, I just can’t seem to switch into a ‘positive’ mood or mindset. I’ll receive a strong resistance from a negative voice that tells me: "The truth is ugly even if you try to be positive, the reality is painful even if you choose run away from it,"

This is because positivity and negativity are mutually exclusive - a lesson I later learnt. They simply cannot exist harmoniously because you cannot be positive when you’re negative and you cannot be negative when you’re positive.

This also explains why when I’m in a positive mood, nothing can seem to stop me. No negativity can get to me; complaints, hurtful comments, criticisms simply wouldn’t affect me – precisely because I’m already positive.

So when you’re feeling down, sad, disappointed, frustrated and angry, the first thing you need to do is rid yourself of all negative thoughts and emotions, before even attempting to be positive.

Detach yourself from the negative situation mentally and emotionally. Let go of everything that you are unhappy, disappointed or frustrated about. Give up and surrender it to the universe. The key is to detach the emotion completely – be an emotionless freak.

As soon as you’ve let go by declaring that you are giving it up, all your mental and emotional negativity gets released along with it. You will experience an inner peace like no other – your emotion calms, your thoughts collected.

All puzzle pieces will fall to the ground and you’ll be able to see the big picture of things - in a complete state of neutrality. When you've achieved this, choosing to be positive is easy.

Here are 3 tips on how you can eliminate negative thoughts or feelings to return to a state of neutrality, they are commonly effective.

#1 Stop whining and stop complaining.

These are two negative affirmations that will fuel your bitterness. We complain because it makes us feel better for awhile. It allows us to vent our frustrations and somebody will usually hear us out, or (worse still) complain along with us. This creates a false and unproductive sense of camaraderie.

Complaining only wastes time and effort. It does not change anything and you are probably attracting more of the things which you do not want. Instead of whining, do something to change it. If there's nothing you can do, make fun of it; create a joke so everyone can just laugh it off. Laugh it off and return to your prior state of calm and peace.

#2 Stop blaming, take responsibility and take action.

"It's your fault, your problem, your responsibility. You fix it, you make it right." Sounds familiar? :) You can't feel positive even if you 'delegate' the problem to someone else. Sitting around and waiting for him or her to fix the situation will probably frustrate you further.

If it's truly someone else's problem don't make it yours - (once again) just let go of what has happened. If you decide to do something about it (other than blaming someone else), then grant yourself "the serenity to accept what you cannot change, courage to change what you can, and wisdom to know the difference."

There's absolutely no need for negativity.

#3 Excuse yourself.

When I say 'excuse yourself', I don't mean make up excuses, I mean 'GO AWAY'; leave the room, take a hike, walk it off, sleep on it, beat it; do whatever else you can to distance yourself from the situation so you can (as discussed previously) detach yourself emotionally.

Once you're out of the situation, think (from a neutral position) about what kind of emotional state do you want to return into it. You can return to it feeling negative, or you can return to it feeling positive. It doesn't matter which you choose, for as long as you make a choice, you are at least doing it consciously - and you'll therefore more likely to choose NOT to be negative.

#4 Understand why you feel negative.

When we rationalize the negative emotions or thoughts, we raise our consciousness. Our negativity usually stems out of fear or uncertainty. The good thing about feeling negative out of fear or out of uncertainty is that we can overcome or conquer them.

"A clear understanding of negative emotions dismisses them." - Vernon Howard.

To conclude this post, always remember that to be positive when we are negative, we must first return to a state of neutrality. From there on, being positive is as simple as making a choice.

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How to solve any problems

This is a simple guide on how to solve any problems, old or new, based on what I’ve observed and learned in the course of solving some of life’s inescapable problems – Financial, Health, Individual, Relationship, etc.

Every once in awhile, we come head-on with a foreign problem that requires more than just recalling the known solution because there is no memory or experience to be drawn upon: It's simply a new problem that we've not dealt with before and the following tips may very much help you overcome it :)

#1 State the problem. Not all problems are problems - even if the initial 'symptoms' of the situation tends to suggest it. Take a step back and re-examine the situation and perhaps you’ll realize that it actually isn't a problem. If there’s a problem, state it: What is the problem?

A problem only exists when there is a difference between what it is currently and what you want it to be. If it is exactly what you want it to be, then there’s no problem. If you don’t know what you want, figure that out first, otherwise there’s no problem either.

#2 Weigh the worthiness of the problem. If there is in fact a problem, is it worthy of your attention? Does it necessarily need to be solved? Sometimes we have this tendency to sort all problems whenever we meet them, without weighing if it’s worth the effort.

And when the problem proves to be persistent, we become frustrated, stressed and upset. All these are unnecessary if you know that it’s not worth it to begin with. But if there’s fruitful reward (greater than the effort it takes to solve the problem) at the end to be savored, then that’s a different story altogether.

#3 Get creative. Creative people have no problems solving problems. Give them a problem and they’ll break it down, tear it apart, reassemble it and repackage it into an opportunity that they can actually seize and benefit from.

We’ve all experienced the joy and exhilarating feeling of solving a problem, so a problem CAN actually motivate you – IF you are creative. Take a step back, look at the problem again, is there a solution that you can come up with (create) easily at first thought?

If you consider yourself somewhat creative, capitalize on it and look at the problem from all sorts of different perspectives to see if there’s a different root or a different cause of the problem. Only through identifying the right roots can the right solutions be found.

#4 Don’t focus on just one solution. We (as in humans) have this habit of preferring to reuse a solution that has worked for us before, and stereotype every problem based on similar problems we’ve faced in the past.

When we realize that the problem we are currently facing is indeed "different" and the "assumed-solutions" are not effective, we panic because we believe we’ve hit a dead-end. The lack of creativity and imagination then harvests negativity which is counter-productive.

Again, use your imagination. Come up with as many possible strategies of solving the problem. Remember those times when you’ve heard or read somewhere that problems provide learning opportunities? Well, now’s the time to learn so max out your brain juice.

#5 Eliminate. Your quest of finding the right solution is a game of elimination: Which solutions didn’t work? Dump them out the window. Which ones worked half-way? Improvise. Slowly and surely, you will be able to eliminate what does not work, and arrive at a solution that does.

If you don’t think you have the patience to persist that far, return to point #2 :)

#6 Divide and conquer. Problems can be broken down into smaller bits and pieces. This enables us to solve the easiest parts first. Split them into categories and you can try to solve each part one at a time – depending on what your priorities are.

A financial problem such as trying to get out of debt is a good example. You’ll have credit card debts, auto-loans, mortgage loans, personal loans and what not.

Financial advisors will most probably suggest that you take care of high interest debts first (credit cards) as these are urgent in nature. Afterwards, you can work on personal loans which are usually smaller and easier to sort than the larger auto-loans or mortgage loans.

Not all problems can be broken down, but most complex problems that are difficult to solve can. So take advantage of the ‘Divide and Conquer’ strategy, and take one small step at a time.

#7 Build self confidence. The lack of self-confidence causes us to question a lot of things. This leads to self-doubt, skepticism, and worst of all – INACTION. Doing nothing and going nowhere means the problem is definitely going to stay.

Confident people on the other hand are able to solve problems because they take action. They are fully aware of their own capabilities and fully conscious of how they can convert those capabilities into results.

Identify what you can do; and do what you’re good at. If you lack certain knowledge or skills, courageously admit it. If what you lack is ESSENTIAL in solving the problem, then acquire it. Self confidence empowers you to do what it takes and obtain what you need in order to get to where you want to be.

"It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer."
- Albert Einstein -

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