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How to Build Self Confidence

Learning how to build self confidence is not difficult, this blog post highlights 5 simple tips of building self confidence.

#1 Trust that with TIME, your true wants can be achieved.

This method has worked effectively for me. Whenever I’m not certain about my abilities or the outcome of a certain venture, I remind myself that there’s nothing that I won’t be able to do if given sufficient time.

That’s because time enables planning, practice, learning, execution, evaluation, improvement, persistence and whatever else that is required, to be successful. It is a simple rationale that makes perfect sense and an intelligent break down of your irrational lack of confidence, consider the following:

• "I don’t think I can achieve it" – With time, you can do whatever it takes to achieve it.

• "I don’t think I’m good enough" – With time, you can practice until you are.

• "I don’t know how to do it" – With time, you can learn how.

• "I don’t know where to learn this" – With time, you can find out.

• "I’m not familiar with this" – With time, you will be.

Surely upon understanding this, there is no valid reason for your self-doubt?

We have to understand that whatever goals we set for ourselves, success in achieving those goals is a destination. And like the journey to all destinations, so long as we are on the right track, getting there is only a matter of time – an eventuality. If you are willing to do what it takes to get there, you should have utter confidence that success is inevitable.

However, do keep in mind that the phrase "With time" does not mean "with the passing of time". Time passes naturally but if we do nothing, obviously nothing will manifest. "With time" means taking time to plan, prepare, learn, do, evaluate, improve and persist toward the achievement of our goals.

#2 Understand that mistakes are not signs of weakness.

With each failed attempt, my confidence usually takes a round of self-beating or self-bashing; little doses of spirit and enthusiasm are drained with it. The fear of making mistakes hampers my confidence to take new steps, new actions and make new decisions.

"Confidence comes not from always being right but from NOT fearing to be wrong." -- Peter T. Mcintyre

If you’re feeling the same way, then understand that instead of letting these mistakes take away our confidence, it should quite be the opposite: The more mistakes we make, the more knowledge and experience we expose ourselves to, and we should learn from it and come out feeling more confident than before.

Secondly, we must realize that mistakes are part of the process, so we should not be discouraged nor feel insecure (especially if the mistakes are not life-threatening ones). We should only be worried if we are constantly making the same mistakes over and over again, without learning from them. Are you?

#3 Let bygones be bygones.

Similar to the 2nd tip; I read about this in a book by a motivational speaker (Nigel Risner). Nigel talked about how each of us has 3 roles within our minds: The commentator, the coach and the player.

The commentator is the voice that keeps reminding you of what has happened. Be it an experience failing at something or making a mistake, the commentator constantly reports this negative memory that eats up your confidence over-time.

The coach on the other hand is the voice that keeps telling you what to do next, "Take this risk, you can do it", "Do this, it's good for you". The coach's voice empowers you to take action and works to improve your confidence.

You are the player, and your job is to ignore the commentator and listen to what your coach tells you. Whatever negative experiences that you have had, it's in the past and you can't do anything to change it. If you choose to focus on the commentator, you will never able to move forward.

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -- Buddha

Seize the "NOW" and confidence will manifest.

#4 Do not be influenced by what others think of us.

In the aspects of my life which I’m fully aware and fully certain (conscious) of, I usually don’t care about what other people say, think or feel – because I know the truth.

In the areas of my life which I’m not fully certain of however, my confidence levels can still gyrate whenever someone criticizes me. We need to expand our areas of "certainty" in order to build stronger long-term self-confidence. This is one thing I’m still working on (even up until today).

Just because someone else thinks less of you, it doesn’t mean they’re right. What you need to do when it comes to receiving criticism, judgments or even disapprovals, is to assess whether if there’s any truth to it and if the truth is worthy of any response.

If what they say about you is true, what do you want to do about it? If you don’t think it matters enough for you to do anything, then move on and don’t let it affect you. If it matters, then make changes and work towards what or who you want to be.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

I usually ignore criticism or judgments from strangers as what they say usually don’t matter (unless they were able to pinpoint a truth that strikes a nerve). But, I welcome their praises greatly as it takes effort to praise someone you don’t know, and that’s something I’m very grateful for.

Family or close friends are usually comfortable enough to tell me the truth, so I respect that and pay extra attention to their criticism. Their praises (though sometimes biased) are equally appreciated as words of encouragement.

#5 Spend more time with confident people.

Conversely, stay away from people who aren’t confident of themselves – Birds of a feather flock together.

"Confidence is contagious; so is lack of confidence." -- Vince Lombardi

If you spend time with confident people, their confidence will begin to brush off on you and you’ll feel more certain and more assured of yourself. Remember this emotion; how confidence truly feels on the inside when you’re mingling with confident people, so you can draw upon this memory whenever you need to summon confidence.

We’ll start to feel negative whenever we’re around people who are negative as well, this is the same principle. If you’re the type that is easily influenced by what’s happening around you, then this tip becomes even more useful.

Closing Notes:

Always remember that with time, everything you want to achieve can be. Never let mistakes bring you down as confidence comes from not fearing to be wrong. Never dwell on past failures and instead, focus your attention on the present. Asses the accuracy of judgment others pass on us, and take appropriate action to improve ourselves IF necessary. Mingle with confident people to learn how to be confident, no matter where you are.

Before ending this post, I have to say that reading this post alone isn't going to make you any more confident (sadly), you must take action. In the words of Dale Carnegie:

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."

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